Dear Ensley,
Oh my goodness. When your daddy and I decided to have a baby I was nervous it was going to happen immediately like Mimi always said it would. She always said she would get pregnant the minute Grandpa looked at her. Well, at first when a couple months went by I was a little relieved. I didn't know if your daddy and I were ready for a baby yet. We had been married three years and living it up. However, when a couple months turned into a couple more and then to a year, we began to worry. We went to a fertility clinic to try and get things going a bit faster since we weren't getting any younger. It didn't seem to make any difference. Every month when I got my period I cried for days. I thought we would never ever have a baby. I began to give up hope. No medication, procedure, or time seemed to be able to help us conceive, and it seemed to much easier for everyone else.
In August of 2011 I started my cycle the very first day of school. I was miserable because I had to go to the fertility clinic that day if I wanted a cycle of medications that month, but I couldn't miss the first day of school, so we had to skip that month. It was the worst drive to work I ever had. I cried the whole way. I was defeated and devastated. I couldn't give your daddy a baby and felt like I was stuck in a black hole. I wanted a baby so badly.
I didn't think much more about it that month because we had missed our window of opportunity. In September I started spotting a bit and waited for my cycle so I could go in for my next fertility cycle. We had a big party at our house for Uncle Rob for his 50th birthday. We had a taco guy and there was a ton of food left over. Daddy kept asking if we could have carne asada tacos for dinner to which I kept replying "if you say that again I'm going to puke." He jokingly asked if I was pregnant and I laughed because there was no way that I could be. I was walking around Target when he was teasing me and I decided to just buy a pregnancy test to see. Now, by this time I had taken probably 20 pregnancy tests. I hated them. As far as I was concerned they were a complete waste of money because they always came out negative, but I was feeling pretty sick.
When I got home I took the test, and IMMEDIATELY it was a big, huge, pink PLUS! I could not believe it. I just sat staring at it and laughing. After all we went through, we were finally pregnant. I took a picture of the test with my phone and texted it to your dad who was selling tickets at a football game that night. He texted back, "Who's is that." and I said OURS! And that's how he found out.
We got to see you at 8 weeks at the fertility clinic. You look like a little bean in the ultrasound and that is why we call you bean sometimes. We loved you instantly when we saw you and heard your little heart.
After the excitement of actually getting pregnant I worried until 12 weeks when the threat of miscarriage is mostly gone. You stuck in there like a little champ, and I can't tell you how glad I am that you did. You were the answer to so many prayers I can't even count. You are our miracle, our love, our surprise. You are what we were waiting for. We love you so much.
Love,
Mommy
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